What does a poodle and an ox have in common?  Not much and it’s pretty clear for most.  For some reason Rob Bell‘s upcoming book Love Wins created the perfect opportunity for the Right Wing Calvinists to say out loud what they have thought about Rob, the Jason Bourne of evangelicalism, for a long time.  I don’t know many theologically invested types that would have confused Rob Bell with John Piper & the Gospel Coalition but apparently it happened.  Rob’s new boom is apparently enough for Joshua Harris to kiss Rob Bell goodbye….tentatively.  Now I am sure the Neo-Calvinists are not showing Nooma DVDs and listening to Rob’s sermons but I found out in the twitter fiasco that a bunch of people do and they were taken back by the conflict.  So if you were one of the people who want Jesus to save Christians while desiring God and are now trying to find out who to keep in your iPod then this little quiz is for you!  By answering these few questions you can figure out if you are more of a Bellian or a Piperian.

1. When God looks at you…
P. His Holiness sees one totally depraved, a sinner deserving nothing but damnation
B. Your Creator sees a beautiful part of God’s Good world

2.  We know that God is Love because…
P. The salvation of even one sinner
B. Our Redeemer continuously, freely, and faithfully pursues us through Sin, Law, and Death

3. God’s work in the Cross and Resurrection of Jesus is Good News for…
P.  A limited number of people God chose before time (and not for the reprobate majority)
B. All of God’s Creation…every person, society, and all of history.

4. The Christian Gospel is persuasive because….
P. You have to! God wills your election, gives you faith, and preserves it.
B. You get to! The story in scripture, the work of God in the world, and life in the way of Jesus is eternally good, true, and beautiful.

PS.  Please save yourself the time and don’t tell me that you just believe the Bible.  I am sure both of these fellas read it, love it, preach it, and do so with the best intentions. The difference – which is radical – is hermeneutics and not fidelity and integrity.